I don't actually remember a lot of it. Loud. Sloppy. If I'm in a good mood, I think I'm a lot more entertaining than I really am, and I'm a lot more careless about everyone else's feelings. And their health. Even sober I lived like someone who didn't think he had anything to lose. I didn't. I could make anything I lost back without any effort at all. Later... I realized that wasn't true. But before? When I was younger?

I think the technical term is "public embarrassment."