Agony Aunt Meme

[majorlazer]

Aight, losers, time for some IC advice! Feel like sharing your wealth of knowledge of the ~world~ with the rest of your Norfinbury people? Now's your chance! Feel like wrecking them a lil bit? You can do that too!

Here's how it works:
1. Post a toplevel for your character.
2. Under anonymous (or not, who cares really), have your character ask for advice from a toplevel character.
3. Have fun, don't, I don't really care

Comments

Zach Spencer @zachtastic

[majorlazer]

at your own risk, etc etc

Handsome Jack @hjack69

[youarethebandits]

advice may or may not be extremely terrible

Tifa Lockhart @lockhart

[powersouls]

okay advice, but probably super hypocritical

Angel @guardian

[phaseshifter]

advice will probably be "now kiss" ftr

Jade Harley @gardenGnostic

[eclecticbassist]

Fiona @enhance

[plundering]

decent (?) but morally questionable advice with a possible side of intense judging

Vriska Serket @arachnidsGrip

[fairygodtroll]

will help you make decisions almost as great as her own, what can go wrong

Peggy Carter @besame

[1946redvelvet]

Will indeed try my best

[(Anonymous)]

I have a friend whose clothes make him look like a giant tool, but he thinks he looks awesome. Should I stage an intervention?

Frisk @determination

[despiteeverything]

decent enough advice for an 11 year old

Ellie @endureandsurvive

[brickmaster]

Any profanity or sarcasm is included free of charge

[(Anonymous)]

Dear Uncle Handsome Jack who is not my uncle and I'm not a hundred percent sure what one is anyway,

What is your advice for dealing with haters who are jealous of your heroism and great hair? I figure that if anybody around this shithive will understand my problem, it is you. Plus I wouldn't ask most of these losers for advice anyway. Like, seriously. Holy fuck.

Yours hopefully,

hjack69fan88

PS do you have any signed photos or whatever? Asking for a friend.

House; @hotstud_xxx

[rubikscomplex]

The doctor is in.

Luna @milkevoli

[brokethefirst]

shiro fujimoto, @frfujimoto

[lionson]

Probably one of the more reliable sources of advice right now.

[phaseshifter]

Yes. Of course! But be careful with how you execute this, anon. For example! Is the person in question a big sensitive baby who'll sit and sulk and make loud comments about his only friends being robots if you tell him to stop being a slave to douchey-looking excuses for ties? If so, you're going to have to be really sneaky about it. Try to find some scissors, for example, and snip a tiny teeny bit of the tie off every night while he sleeps.

Or write "I am a dorklord" on it in permanent marker.

Or say his little robot son wants it and do the puppydog eyes thing.

Good luck!

[(Anonymous)]

What's your opinion on treatment for fifteen self-inflicted bash wounds to the head?

[(Anonymous)]

Dear Tifa,

I have a friend who is crushing really freaking hard on somebody but she won't tell him even though she is in snowheck and has nothing to lose and he is 99% likely to like her back because she's really pretty and nice. How do I get her to let him know already? Force isn't an option because she could kick my butt one-handed.

- anonymous xoxoxox

[(Anonymous)]

How would you go about dealing with phantom limb symptoms?

[(Anonymous)]

Do you have any advice on how to approach someone about, um... romance?

Rhys @dickcheese

[headjacked]

not the best source of advice but look at that face, LOOK AT IT

Cloud Strife @fenrir

[meteorrains]

Free lessons on how to make terrible life decisions.

[(Anonymous)]

Dear Jack,

I have a friend who is in a codependent relationship with someone who only wants him for his body. Which is sort of dumb, since the body in question is at least ninety percent leg.

How would you suggest dealing with this in a way that doesn't get either of them hurt?

[youarethebandits]

Dear hjack69fan88,

That's a good question! Heroism and great hair tend to attract a lot of haters, especially in a bandit-ridden town such as Norfinbury. Under normal circumstances I'd recommend killing them in painful and creative ways, but sadly that's often not an option here. As you may have noticed, even a bit of completely consensual murder will get everyone coming after you, and I'd hate to see a fan of mine get into that kind of trouble.

As such, the best thing you can do right now is play it cool. Don't let the hate get to you; in the immortal words of TSwift, shake it off. Eventually you'll get a chance to prove your heroic spirit, and they'll all see how wrong they were. Or you'll get a chance to kill them, that'll work too.

Love, Handsome Jack

PS: No photos right now, but autographs can be arranged.

Steve Rogers @CaptSteveRogers

[starsandtights]

warning: at best he only looks like he knows what he's doing

if he's lucky