Alfie Solomons (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
devoutish) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
snowblindmemes2017-01-17 06:19 pm
devoutish) wrote in snowblindmemes2017-01-17 06:19 pm
CONFESSIONS MEME
1) Post a comment with your character spilling their confessions and innermost thoughts for all to see
2) Go around and comment to other characters ICly, expressing shock, awe, disgust, anger, etc.
3) Discuss, accuse, commiserate, threadjack, etc.
2) Go around and comment to other characters ICly, expressing shock, awe, disgust, anger, etc.
3) Discuss, accuse, commiserate, threadjack, etc.
cw: death wish mention in the last one
I've found out from the Admin that revivals from death don't do anything to decrease the supplies that keep the rest of us alive. I've told Royce, but I'll be keeping that secret from the rest of you, and let you go on believing that I think it's too risky to kill people here. You never know when taking somebody by surprise will come in handy, eh?
I've got myself a little list, right, of everybody who's gotten their hands on my pills without permission. And I've got some little spies, keeping their eyes peeled and reporting your movements to me. Watch yourselves.
But if I do come across any of you when I've got Emily with me, the truth is, I won't lay a finger on you. She caught Royce and me in the middle of cutting off House's ear, and it's been a very long time since I felt as much guilt as I did that night. She screamed, and it cut into my heart.
If we lose our chance to escape here, if we're stuck with the radiation poisoning, any of that - just fucking kill me. I won't live here forever without hope. I fucking refuse.
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let her rest!!!
sorry mama tifa
:')
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cw: this thread is probably going to be all about death wishes
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John Watson
2. I've had a shouting match with a chip and PIN machine at the grocery. It was embarrassing and everyone was staring.
3. I got a girl kidnapped on our first date and killed a man in front of her once.
4. I now know what it's like to wear Sherlock Holmes' coat.
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I'm scared to tell anybody what really happened with the monsters. How they wanted my soul to break the barrier and I'd hafta die and everything. Their reasons weren't bad and humans hurt them so much. But I'm scared people'll try to take me away from them, when they're the only people I've been happy with since Mom and Dad died.
It doesn't matter if I die anyway, 'cause I always come back.
I'm starting to think a lot like how Chara used to. It scares me.
I'm more scared of hurting anybody than anything else.
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I ruined my best friend's life. She hates me for it, and I know I deserve it, but I'd do anything to get her to forgive me.
I don't care about Andromeda or Winter or what happened to the people who used to live here. I just want to go home.
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You're from New Jersey, yeah? What's the mob like there?
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I'm not convinced that any of this matters anyway. Where I'm from many worlds theory is more or less many worlds fact at this point, so it's entirely possible there's alternate versions of all of our timelines where none of this happened. Where we were never brought to Norfinbury and all events proceeded as they should have.
... I really honestly wish Sigma was here. He's a lot better at the whole optimism and trust thing.
Part of the reason I don't do video on the network is so people can't see how my roots are starting to show. Or the ridiculous hat I found to hide it.
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I don't regret killing Charlie before he could kill me. I wouldn't do anything different if I could, except maybe not miss the first time.
I've figured out that I was out of my goddamn mind for a while there, but I'm not about to tell anybody. Having someone know I wasn't in control is almost as bad as it happening in the first place.
I hid the good shit with Charlie so that Alfie wouldn't know what I had when I went to meet him.
I still wish my sister was here, and I think that makes me a bad person. But fuck it, I'm already a bad person.
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2) I think I wanna start taking pictures here. I might not be able to take them with me in the end, but I'm kinda learning more and more to appreciate what time I do have here, you know?
3) I picked up a planner the other day. I said it was for kindling. What I really wanna do is write anything significant that happened that day in it.
4) I'm starting to realize more and more how much I really do wanna go with them if I can.
5) I've found that petting cats is a really weird way to soothe your nerves, especially during nights around here.
6) I don't really get what happened with this town and I still don't really understand why we're here. But part of me can sympathize, even if I don't think it was ever right of whoever to bring us here. If we can help in the end on top of getting out of here, I wouldn't mind that.
7) Being out of control terrified me. Because all I could think of is if I had killed one of them... I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself.
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slow the fuck down captain manpain
Part of the reason I don't want my friends to show up here is because I don't want to deal with the disappointment from them that I'm not the real Dave.
I'm honestly scared to talk about Jade about any of this. I don't know how to relate to her when she's from a timeline where I died three years ago, which I know is totally hypocritical. I feel guilty for feeling any of this, but also because I know I hurt her when I broke up with the version from my timeline. And I don't want to ruin things further when I just know she'd be upset at me.
There's a non-sprite version of me running around in my world. I feel like a fake next to him. Part of me resents him for it.
I was depressed before I even came here.
I don't really know what to think of my Bro anymore. Things keep happening that remind me of him in ways that freak me out, and whenever I tell people about him they react like he did something wrong. But I don't want to think about any of it because I grew up idolizing him, and I feel like I'd be shitting over his memory. And I feel guilty for his death, because if I hadn't been there distracting him, maybe he could have beaten Jack Noir or at least escaped alive.
I'm convinced Homura dying is my fault. If I hadn't left, she and Dug wouldn't have gotten separated, and she'd still be alive. I'm scared Dug is going to end up dead because I'm not there to look after him.
I'm so focused on helping people here because I feel like I've got no worth to anyone if I don't.
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You know, if you're that set on sticking it out here, or at least not going back, you're probably not under any obligation to. As I said, there's probably a timeline out there where none of us were ever brought here at all.
If anything, it sounds like Jade could be proof of that.
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Re: slow the fuck down captain manpain
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cw suicidal thoughts
I have no idea whose body I'm in and that terrifies me.
I would give anything to bring my girlfriend here.
If I could guarantee that the admin wasn't going to bring me back, I'd be dead already.
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[ brb counting under his breath ]
Four-- fi-- more than three days.
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cw House's suicidal tendencies
I murdered many people before I came here. I think most people do not know that.
I miss the person who made me. Doctor House is like him and that was good, but Doctor House refuses to stop dying and I hate him, except I do not hate him really. I miss him telling me what to do.
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[Because it's totally his fault. But he's not saying that here.]
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I would kill anybody who hurt Solomons, Tifa, or Emily. I know there are people who would use that as leverage and I hate it.
I don't hate John Watson. I won't forgive him, but I don't hate him.
I'm tired of being angry.
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cw suicidal thoughts
I don't want to die, not permanently, but I'm beginning to think the odds really are in my favor as long as I do it deliberately. I'm supposed to be above this now -- I made my choice, and I know I'm never getting my old life back. That doesn't stop me wanting my hands back now, and I think it's only a matter of time before I make that choice. Sooner rather than later if frostbite sets in, which it probably will. Dying isn't anything I can't handle.
Also, I'm really hurt that apparently Bucky gets a movie, but I don't.
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I kind of have a crush on Ginger and Tifa but there's no way in hell I'd ever say anything about it because I'm older than them and I'm not that gross, thanks.
I really want to adopt all the kids that are here and take them home with me? It's starting to be a problem.
I'm still fucked up over killing people, I'm just handling it better. Uh. Quieter. I'm still sure I've been docked about fifty hero points out of a hundred. And that's sort of all I'm good at other than shooting arrows so I don't know what I'm going to do.
Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to get married again and have kids of my own, but I don't think it's gonna happen.
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Even though I called them stupid, I'd sign up for one of those deadly tests if it would help people. It's better than someone else having to do it.
I wish someone from my timeline were here. Davesprite and Jade don't deserve to deal with my bullshit, and no one else understands. And I'm a selfish asshole for wanting that because no one from my timeline deserves to be here, either.
I blame myself for dooming my timeline and getting all of my friends killed. I don't know what mistake I made or what I should have done differently because there are so many things I failed at or did wrong, but it was probably me.
I don't understand why people keep trying to help me. I'm not worth it.
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[Impressed isn't the word, but well. Sometimes it's hard to find the right response to so many words that add up to a hearty "I'm fucking depressed."]
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Despite everything that's happened, and most likely everything that will happen, I'm still really grateful to have been brought here.
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Sherlock was right.
I don't know what I'm doing with what's physically wrong with me. I don't know what TO do. I haven't had these damn injuries for any more than 60 days. I just want to wake up and find it was all a bad dream.
If I don't figure out anything for myself, then I know I'm better off dead. I can't have excuses otherwise. I just find myself wondering more now if maybe the latter option is what I'm doomed for anyway. It makes me want to vomit.
I envy the idealists in this place.
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I still wait every day for my little brother to come back. I don't know what I'll do if he doesn't. I don't know what I'll do if he does.
America made me a stuffed rabbit for Valentine's Day. I named it Elizabeth, and it's probably one of my most important possessions now. I realise this is rather absurd for someone like me.
I've got a fake plant, as well. Couldn't tell you why. Ginger named it William. It's married to her fake plant, Kate. I suppose it's nice to pretend we can take care of something here.
I don't think I deserve most of the kindness I've been afforded, especially here. I haven't done anything of worth to help us escape.
I'm really beginning to think I'm going to die in this town.
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I'm going to try to take my dinosaur blanket home with me after all this is over.
I don't know what to think about the whole dying thing. I've never had to worry about it before here. It sucks.
I'm still sort of worried something bad's going to happen to Ginger because she's spending so much time around me and England, since normally at home if we spend that much time with people they go crazy, but I also don't want to leave her alone or anything, and nothing's happened so far, so I think it's okay.
Whenever one of my citizens dies it's like I failed, even if they come back, and especially if they die a bunch of times.
I still haven't finished the candy England gave me for Valentine's Day because England gave it to me for Valentine's Day. That's probably really dumb, but it's still in the pouch with the short story.
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Adam would be much better than me at things here, but he's dead, and it's my fault.
I'm scared people will realize how fucked up I am. How scared I am of everyone around, because anyone could be just as bad to me as some of my closest relatives. I'm ashamed of it, and I lash out, and I'm ashamed of that, too.
It's my fault Kesara died. I wasn't there to stop it. I didn't try hard enough to find her in the maze. I should have tried harder. She was better than anyone else here and I'd have died a thousand times over for her. Or kill anyone for her. At least, I'd try.
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[Church you are the worst person to talk about self-esteem you fucking hypocrite]
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2. I have no problem hurting people to get what I want. I'm pretty sure that makes me a bad person.
3. I don't think of myself as a hero. Mostly because I don't think beating up gangbangers makes you a hero, but also because I don't think just wanting to help people makes you a hero either.
4. I don't believe in us. But I'm damned if I'm not going to try to prove myself wrong.
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2. I remember every person I have ever met, and I mourn every one of them.
3. I refrain from explaining myself because doing so in human language is exhausting.
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