CONFESSIONS MEME

[devoutish]

1) Post a comment with your character spilling their confessions and innermost thoughts for all to see
2) Go around and comment to other characters ICly, expressing shock, awe, disgust, anger, etc.
3) Discuss, accuse, commiserate, threadjack, etc.

Comments

[devoutish]

I'm fucking terrified of something happening to Royce. We've been together since the week of our arrival, and I don't know what I'd do without him here. The thought of splitting up from him even for a night gives me an attack of the nerves. I fear his death more than I fear my own.

But I do fear my own death - my own permanent death - more so now than I ever did at home. Dying here feels unnatural; it feels fucking pointless. I'd take death if it meant something.

I honestly couldn't tell you whether or not I think we'll get out of here someday. I've stopped having any sort of belief on the matter. Generally I don't think more than a day or two ahead, unless I've got a very specific plan in mind.

I'm not suited for going home the way I am now, and when I think about that, it nearly makes me cry.

When Emily and Tifa died, we left most of their things on them, so they'd have them if they came back. But I took Emily's sketchbook.

I still don't regret taking advantage of House's death price, and I'd do it again if I felt I needed to.

[rubikscomplex]

Looking forward to screwing you over again sometime soon, asshole.

[devoutish]

There's not much you can do to me.

CW: Drugs, suicidal ideation, torture implications

[holmesice]

I locked my genius, mentally ill little sister up in a maximum-security prison, refusing her any human contact and only throwing her the occasional odd 'treat' to get her to do what I want.

My little sister killed my little brother's best friend because I wasn't paying attention when I was looking after them.

My little brother was subsequently traumatized, enough that when our sister was sent away, he couldn't remember her or Victor anymore.

I lied to my little brother the rest of our lives, in fear of his memories returning.

My little brother, possibly because of the repressed trauma, became a drug addict.

Because of all of this as well as the need to have control and control over my sister's fate, I continually monitor my brother and his life. He can hardly do a thing without me noticing. I have sent agents to trail him, installed cameras and other bugs, and gone so far as to send a helicopter and track his phone. To be fair, he did murder a man in cold blood and is a security risk no matter my feelings on the subject. Because of my guilt over his trauma, and what I continually do to him, I let him get away with everything. It's resulted in multiple disasters and near-disasters.

I told our parents Eurus had died. It was kinder.

I let Eurus have five minutes with Moriarty unsupervised. It resulted in catastrophe. I thought I knew what I was doing, that I was immune to her abilities, but also some part of me wonders if sentiment was my downfall.

I find people in general to be annoying and infuriatingly slow. I have no real friends, except for Sherlock. I doubt he considers me anything but a useful nuisance.

I truly do love my siblings, though I will never say it out loud. I expect nothing from either of them, I understand what I've done to them will ensure they will never say it either, nor feel it, but it doesn't matter. Their safety and security is paramount, above even my own.

My life is dedicated not only to the security of my country but to them as well. Their well-being is more important than my own, more important than anything I do or have done. I'd gladly give up my life for either. It's nothing less than I deserve.

Norfinbury still seems like a dream on some irrational level.

Sherlock and John turning into those things was one of the most horrifying things I have ever witnessed, and I've supervised some...unscrupulous necessities.

I worry we are somehow not our original selves or bodies.

Sherlock's death was the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

[rubikscomplex]

Well, crap. You pretty much suck at life. And probably need therapy. Like a whole lotta therapy.

[holmesice]

Thank you for your assessment, Doctor. Therapy is a problem when you're far more intelligent than the therapist and constantly correct them for their poor grasp of their chosen profession. My parents gave up after the tenth one. I was...about 13.

[warriorscribe]

I worry sometimes Heaven has not come after me because I am no longer necessary to them to grant authority to act to the angels who would rescue me. That I have been abandoned and my dear friend can but is unable to act to save me.

I thought aging again might make mortality in others more bearable, that if I shared their fate sooner or later it would take some of the pain away. Then I lost Clayton and was proven wrong. Perhaps I never would have been suited for ordinary life.

If I am grateful for anything that has happened here, it has been the opportunity to meet and befriend Beckett. He offers me a positive view of immortality, and the comfort that there is another with an experience like mine, an immortal raised human. To him, I hope I offer something he needs - peace, comfort, anything. Our friendship is as a shelter to me, in this inhospitable place.

I wish I could bring myself to talk to Dr. House more often, but speaking with him is...deeply uncomfortable, for reasons I can't quite describe. I fear I am unable to completely forgive him for believing anyone deserves the suffering of eternal punishment and that inability frightens me. I know it's difficult to comprehend the magnitude of pain in The Darkness! I have forgiven others! Why not him?

[rubikscomplex]

Because I'm an unrepentant douchebag and an atheist on top of it. Also you're depressed. Those things probably have something to do with it.

[warriorscribe]

I've dealt with more obnoxious people than you, if you'll believe it. ...Is depression really so all-encompassing?

cw for suicidal ideation-ish

[himalayanyeti]

I let the monster out of the firehouse closet 'cause I thought it would be fun. I knew I was gonna die, probably, but I also didn't think that I would. You know, actively. Seein' is believin', and all, and I guess I just really wanted to see. I used to be invincible, you know. Nothin' could touch me.

It's easier for me to hurt someone than forgive them, 'cause it's neat and clean and I don't have to think about it too much. There are a lot of awful good people out there who just pissed me off at the wrong time. I guess that's the way it goes.

I'm scared we'll never get out of here. I'm scared Dio won't come and save me--not 'cause he doesn't want to, but 'cause he can't. I'm scared he misses me and doesn't know where I went. I really do hate the snow.

Losin' my eye was my own goddamn fault. Not anyone else I've blamed for it.

I think I'd be fine with dyin', but I have unfinished business I gotta take care of first. I never thought I'd make it past thirty, anyways--I don't have any grand ambitions like Dio. I just want to settle down, and if I can't do that, I might as well go out in fuckin' style. I'd hate to live forever in a place like this.

[bywolves]

Solomons is a brother to me. He's kept me alive, in a multitude of ways. I'd die for him. I'm scared of that. But it's a comfort, as well.

Losing Tifa and Emily has been like losing any part of hope I had left.

... Maybe Karkat and Davesprite have brought a little of it back.

I had to kill my wife. Gwen. I don't know that I can ever recover from that. It was worse than her death. It was at my hands and even if it was a mercy kill, I lost a part of myself. It's not coming back. I've been - changed. I've been changed.

I don't feel much any more. I'm angry, when I do. It's only been a few months. I thought I was stronger than this.

I'd sacrifice just about anybody in this town for the chance to go home to my daughter. Even if I think she might be better off growing up without me.

[devoutish]

She wouldn't.

[bywolves]

She wouldn't know. She doesn't know me. I'm not her father to her, yet. Just a man claiming the title.

[cosmicwords]

I am worried that my presence here is slowly destroying this world.

I don't know how to save you.

I don't even know what I am anymore.

I am sorry.

[harlequinofhate]

I'm afraid. This place isn't funny anymore, I want out!

[whiteknightnecromancer]

Killing my best friend when she appeared here was a relief.

[0thingsonmymind]

iam not sure if want more
friend
fri end is
nice
but los ing is
Worst


ithink i might miss
both tims


iwill pro tect
ja de s doll
like itwas
her

[warriorscribe]

I know. It's worse to have no friends at all, though, I find.

[ecks]

I am aware that Doctor House is not a good friend, but he is like my creator if some of the things I most disliked about my creator were taken away and other things were added, like music. I have other friends also, but I want someone who is like that. I want to know what to do and he tells me, except when he refuses to tell me. I think both of those things are good.

I am aware that I am poisoned and that is why I like fake animals, but it makes me happy and so I do not mind.

I am tired of being angry but I would still hit Alfie Solomons with a shovel if I came across him. I would not hit him with my hatchet.

I took a large piece of human skin from the tower full of dead people and have been wearing it for warmth. I am aware that some people would not like that I have done this.

[devoutish]

Would this be a hit about the head?

[thewarningafter]

I can't tell any of you apart right now.

I tried to kill Mary Watson in the split tunnels. That's why she had to kill me -- and even if I wasn't myself at the time, we both knew what I was turning into. If I'd left when I still could she wouldn't be hurt and I wouldn't be where I am.

cw: anomaly murder, general death talk, existentialism, child abuse, internalized homophobia

[mrcreamsicles]

I don't really want to do this. Does that count?

But here's one: I feel like I murdered my best friend. I've got the image of him dying stuck in my head forever now, and I doubt I'm ever going to forget or move on or even forgive myself after I spent a year just to save him from dying another way. People keep trying to tell me the anomalies were fake, or that it was a mercy, but I can't keep from wondering if he was real. Even if he wasn't, it's not going to erase seeing it.

I still blame myself for Clint's death in the snow, too. Enough people have told me it is that I can't doubt it, even when he told me not it's not my fault. Plus Homura and Dug's deaths for not staying with them, even if Dug found other people before the end.

I don't really want to go back to my world after this ends. I'm either going to be useless to the end goal or die as a doomed offshoot. I got sick of feeling unwanted and unnecessary even before I came here. I miss my friends, but I can't go back to that. I don't think I can face John again. I don't want to go back to being the fake Dave.

House seems to think my bro abused me, and enough other people have given me weird looks or questioned me about it when I've brought him up that I'm not sure I can argue it anymore. Not after the way people describe family they actually like. Not after how my friends' guardians were with them. I don't know what to think about it yet. I don't mention him these days if I can avoid it. The monster I was when we all changed just reminded me of him and his creepy puppets.

... I feel like I'm nothing he or anybody else wanted me to be. I'm not sure I like the person I am.

Kind of scared I might not be straight, because that's only going to add to it. I'm not so dumb that I can't tell a bunch of people think I'm bi or something already. I just want Karkat to be happy, and I'm sick of having to think about this on top of it.

[devoutish]

What happened that people are blaming you for Clint's death?

[lacecase]

America killed my sister. He did it because he wanted to give my light back to me, but I didn't want him to. I still wish he hadn't. I wanted her to have it. She was broken and wrong but I miss her anyway. It was so nice to see her face. I got so mad at him when he hurt her, and I've never been so angry at anyone like that before.

I forgave him, but I'm still angry even though I try not to be. I don't feel like anything's the same anymore. I don't want to have feelings for anyone anymore, not like I did for Clayton or Charlie. But I still want someone to touch me. I'm lonely all the time. I've never felt this lonely, and not for this long.

Sometimes when I look in the mirror I don't know who I'm seeing.

[warriorscribe]

Oh, Ginger... It's-...this place can be terrible. I wish I could be of more help to you, far away as I am. I hope you find the time you need to sort your emotions out. That's, I think, what makes it so terrible, everything happening too quickly to bear.

If there's anything I can do, anything at all...